I am a writer.
I’ve been writing for as long as we’ve been planting Fellowship. It’s a God-given gift that I steward on behalf of the kingdom. I could write about a thousand things, but I have committed to stewarding my gift in such a way that authentically tells the story of God in the life of a family fumbling to treasure Jesus and display His glory in every aspect of their life.
And part of writing authentically means that I write through the messy middle of everything.
Some people write from their scars.
I write through the wounding, just like David in the book of Psalms.
I do this because I believe the Body of Christ is edified when people demonstrate what it looks like to suffer well, wrestle with life, and still cling to the hope of Jesus. There is something valuable to owning our humanity in it’s rawest form – Owning our humanity reminds us that we are in desperate need of a Savior.
Our family is in the middle of a wounding and God is allowing it- for our good and His glory. And I am writing the inner struggle here on my personal blog. I also micro-blog on Instagram. Each blog post I write usually takes me eight hours of writing time and five days of thinking on, praying over, and inward wrestling with how much truth I feel comfortable sharing. It’s a grueling process to write the story. I feel vulnerable. I feel raw. Every post opens me up to potential push-back from someone who thinks I shouldn’t share and every post gives those who wish to do our family harm, plenty of ammo. Writing is spiritual warfare and it is exhausting, solitary work that can only be accomplished through prayer and working through the story at the keyboard.
Most writers do not sit in a small group setting or across the table from a non-writer friend and process the depths of the very thing we are living. We do not fill our free time with things that require a lot of thought or a lot of talking. We fill our time with things that require little thought so our minds can listen to our souls speak. This is why I paint and bake and rearrange the house and dig in the dirt. I need space to think.
Writers write to know what we think and feel and understand about being fully human and fully loved by God.
And most writers write to uncover these things in order to share their light bulb moments with a greater audience. It’s how we use our gift to edify the Body. Writers are a gift to the Church because we are forced to deny ourselves in order to allow God to use us as a vessel to communicate the kind of truth that often comes through trials, suffering, persecution, heartache, and loneliness.
Loneliness and solitude and a part of a writer’s life. Without these components we are, sometimes, unable to have space to hear the message we are being asked to write.
This is who I am.
I am unabashedly authentic. I am uber vulnerable. I vomit truth. I say what I’m thinking ONCE I KNOW WHAT I”M THINKING. Which is usually after I write about it.
This is who I am.
And I don’t expect or assume that you read anything that I write. But I do write and my writing is for the Church. This online writing is for public consumption. It’s available to anyone who wants to read it. It reads like snippets of chapters in a book that is still being written. I also share the mundane, what we’re eating now, hilarious thoughts over on Instagram along with things I’m wrestling with because some times, there is simply no time to flesh out everything in a blog post. I withhold little to nothing in this online space because I believe that modeling the way to live Christ centered authenticity is the way to invite others to freedom in Christ.This is how I use my kingdom gift.
But to assume the entirety of my being can be known by tying every word and picture together into one large tapestry would not be the truth.
Being known comes through physical contact and meaningful shared experiences and mutual brokenness around the table. It comes through commitment to relationship and doing real life together. It comes through close proximity and intentional time together. It comes through serving alongside one another and common purpose and similar passion. It comes through shared need.
The wholeness of a person is not only found in the words she writes.
The wholeness of a person is found in the reflection of her real life that she has discovered as a result of all the words she’s written.