It was in the middle of Downton Abbey when my phone dinged, the Facebook app lighting up with a red number 1. I almost didn’t answer it, but I was waiting to hear back from someone and so I did.
And this is what I saw:
And what is the God given purpose of women according to If? Don’t mean to be difficult, but don’t want to ignore you if this is legit and don’t want to support you if it isn’t.
It was a question, posted to our local IF Gathering group.
Our very public, very open, Facebook group.
I read it twice, missing a whole segment of Season 2, episode 3 and my face burned.
It flamed white hot and I felt shame creep up the back side of my neck and all I could see was one small sentence.
And I don’t want to support you if it isn’t.
My mind went a hundred places I won’t write here and I could feel my fingers tremble on the screen.
What have I done?
No one thinks I’m for real.
She doesn’t want to support ME? I didn’t come up with IF.
I should have never said yes to this thing that no one here knows anything about.
I’m not smart enough to convince anyone that this event is worth their time.
I went through the motions of responding as quickly as possible and wrote some cheer into my words as I died on the inside.
I logged off to wallow in my lack, feeling caught and quite seen, yet unknown.
I lost myself in Downton and a vanilla Via Latte and I wallowed for a good thirty minutes.
Until my phone dinged again and I logged back on and saw this:
Thank you! May I invite a couple of friends?
And then I saw her heart and my heart and I saw both of us as Jesus sees us:
Two fearful, uncertain women who are fumbling their way through life trying to get the following Him down right.
And in my mind, I saw Jesus crush the Liar under his foot.
Happy Friday Y’all! I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo and her Five Minute Friday clan again this Friday and as always, I’m writing in real time, giving you guys an honest peek into my patched up heart and messy life. And I thank you now, for a heaping spoon of grace.