My coffee cools as I scan my facebook feed and I hastily add 2 more events to the holiday calendar. I pencil in dinner with friends from seminary and I’m absolutely giddy with the anticipation of a fire and smores and deep belly laughs.
I fill in other squares: Family Reunion, a Thanksgiving homeschool meal, Christmas pictures, and the faster those calendar squares fill, the more giddy I become.
Honestly, it gives me a charge to scribble good stuff and circle dates and underline big events. The more stuff the better.
Instead of re-reading Jonah this morning, I am planning meals and making grocery lists and matching up shirts and sweaters for Christmas pictures.
Those squares, those good things, they distract me.
And truthfully, I like the distraction. The stuff makes me feel needed and the busyness makes me feel like I’m winning the race to who knows what.
The crazy clutters my mind and the calendar measures success and I’m at war with my deep-seated need for that success.
I buy the lie of busyness everyday and the One whose name I attach to all my crazy just wants to walk with me.
I’ve been reading Henri Nouwen for a week now and he makes me think hard about being still and quiet. Every word he writes chafes my inner core and so I only read a few pages before I shut that book that calls for living in the Spirit.
Living in the Spirit is harder than running to do good stuff for Jesus, and so I choose to run.
I leave you with a thought from this man who is rocking my world this week and I hope it rocks your world, too.
Often we are so restless and so unable to find inner quietude that we can’t wait to get busy again, thus avoiding the confrontation with the chaotic state of our minds and hearts. Still, when we remain faithful to our discipline, even if it is only ten minutes a day, we gradually come to see–by the candlelight of our prayers–that there is a space within us where God dwells and where we are invited to dwell with God.