I was feeling brave last week…
when I told you that I was going to spend the next 40 days in prayer and the next 31 days journaling about where I see God’s fingerprints in my life…
when I told you that I needed to go back to beginning and find out who I used to be and where I came from…
And I sit here this morning, wringing my hands and doubting my decision to be really honest with you.
I really just want to keep moving forward and condense my life’s story to about 10 concise statements and let you fill in the blanks yourself.
As if you’d even want to.
My blanks are pretty boring.
My coffee is cooling and I’m feeling very much out of place in my favorite chair.
I don’t quite feel like me. The me I think I am, anyway.
I have spent a week inviting the Lord to show up in the memories that cloud my mind and even my heart, and to give me His perspective on each one.
To show me the shadow of His presence in each moment.
Today begins my 31 days of grace, and I sit here on day 1, not knowing how this journey will end up or if I’ll even finish it.
I don’t even know whether I should start from this moment and work my way backwards through the last 34 years of my little life, or just start from the beginning.
Maybe I should just let the Lord surprise me and just feverishly type out my life,without editing, and just hit the publish key.
Brave or just plain crazy?
Probably a bit of both.
I hear some footsteps on the stairs and my first job calls. It’s poptarts and oatmeal and lots of crumbs and then on to Columbus and pre-algebra. And if I’m blessed enough to catch my breath at naptime, maybe I’ll curl up and land on how I want to spill my life in words.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find amazing grace no matter how I decide to write about it.