Sometimes it’s easier to start at the beginning.
Since last week, I have been trying to get back to the beginning of me.
Maybe it’s just a touch of nostalgia, or the fall weather, or writing a letter to my 16 year old self, that has me longing…longing for what, I’m not sure. But I feel overwhelmed with the feelings of beginning again and really, I can’t move forward until I look back.
It’s a tad bit scary, this looking back and unpacking life, one moment at a time. It’s like opening Pandora’s box and trying to slam it shut, all at the same time.
What if I don’t like what I see when I look back over my life with these new eyes? What if it hurts and I feel regret and I’m left with unanswered questions? What then?
What if the good parts don’t equal the sum of the bad parts and I can’t always find God in this mess that I call my life?
I’ve spent years hiding things in my heart-bad things, good things, and God things. It’s all a jumbled mess, but maybe if I spend some time sorting the piles in my heart, I will find that they all kinda go together.
That maybe, just maybe, Truth really does win and He was there in the good and the bad.
And maybe I’ll see His fingerprints all over my life and see beauty in all that Satan would have me believe is unlovely, and ugly, and shameful.
So, as I trek out into unfamiliar~familiar territory, please pray that God would be merciful to me. That He would give me a different lens with which to see me. That He would reveal Himself in all the days that He has ordained as mine.
And that more than anything, I would experience grace, upon grace, upon grace.