It is that time of day where the clock stands still and I wish that I could.
Greenley is still napping and Thad is a couple more hours from being home for the evening. The older children are sprawled out in the family room, seeking relief from the scortching heat outdoors. The heat is making us all more irritable than usual and the kids are really grating on one another.
And they grate on me, too.
I should have planned tonight’s dinner days ago, but now it is too late and I will ramble through the fridge and pantry and try to create something from nothing. Eggs, pickled relish, mustard, mayo…deviled eggs, maybe? Ham…? I can count on 2 hands how many will whine about tonight’s dinner.
Yesterday’s open door still weighs heavy on my heart. At this moment, I long to walk back through the nice, clean, safe door that the Lord has closed. My small flicker of light is not bright enough to light up the vast darkness that I felt yesterday.
I wish I could just hide it under a bushel, yes!… It is much easier to light my own home that way. And if I right my own home and train my children that arguing is wrong, and wash their mouths out with soap every time one of them calls another a jerk, and we memorized more Bible verses, and prayed more, and kept our rooms more tidy, and ate well-balanced healthy meals everyday, then maybe my flicker would grow into an all-consuming flame and they would come to my safe, nice, and clean home and find Jesus.
If I not only build it, but make it perfect, then they will come and see Jesus everywhere they turn.
And I will never have to leave my own front door. That’s why God made houses, right? To keep in the good and fix the broken on the porch. My porch, not their’s…
Surely, I don’t have to really leave this safe place, called home, and take my little flicker to their dark place.
Lord, may my small flicker be fanned with Your great wind-the wind that blows Your grace on one who is in dire need of it-me. As I leave my safe place and take Your light into darkness, swell my heart and give me eyes to see You at work.