I do a quick headcount and come up with 5 little people. One is missing and she is always missing. Elliana. My introverted child who craves time alone to create something from nothing.
Today, she has retreated to the porch swing to make bird nests out of dried roots. I love birds and she is making me another nest to balance out the mantle that she insists is not balanced. She has been gifted with an artist’s eye for beauty. I am so thankful for her gift.
I glance out the window and I know this process of nest-building will take her most of an afternoon. She picks through the discarded shrubbery and brushes the dirt from each gnarled piece. She carefully chooses the bits of roots that are pliable and easy to shape and she takes them back to her work station-the porch swing.
I watch her for a few moments and then head back to the kitchen. I begin to prepare dinner, but I am drawn back to the window to watch my first-born create beauty from the ugly, discarded roots.
I peek through the blinds and watch her lovingly weave something ugly into a gift for me. She scratches her finger on a rough spot and I see her blow on the small cut, but she doesn’t stop working. She is determined to finish what she has begun.
Elli doesn’t know it, but she has reminded her impatient mama that God is working to make something beautiful out of my ugly mess. And His something beautiful is not going to emerge in just a few hours on a porch swing. It has taken a lifetime to hide all of the dark parts of my heart and I don’t think the Lord is going to just pick through my heart in an afternoon.
I am pretty sure that He desires to spend everyday with me, constantly transforming my ugly into something beautiful.
“…so God chooses to cut into my ungrateful heart to make me whole. All is grace only because all can transfigure.” Ann Voskamp