Egypt is always calling to me.
Sometimes it is in the rearview mirror, its lights flickering in the distance. Sometimes it is in the sound of a familiar voice on the other end of the phone. Discontent creeps in and instead of taking those thoughts captive, I let my heart and mind run wild.
A song on the radio can remind me of a boy that I thought I was going to marry. A boy that I gave up because the Lord gave me an invitation to something more. One flashback can produce envy for the lifestyle that this boy would have afforded me. A longing for an easy life with nice vacations and a house at the beach.
Before I know it, I am entrenched in unhappiness. Would Jesus have loved me less if I had just taken the easy road?
Greenley and I flew out to Dallas yesterday for a quick doctor’s visit. And by quick, I mean I spent more time on a plane than on the ground in Dallas. I was there long enough to hug Ms. Jerry’s neck and find out about her trip to Nigeria. I saw Abel and Marcie in the parking lot and got a quick hug from Abel (Marcie was driving!). I also got to hug Kathleen and get a quick update on her family and our church. I was there long enough to get to feel the Dallas heat, but not actually sweat. (That part was actually quite awesome!)
The quick visit was not enough. I longed to drive down the street and spend a few hours at Fellowship. I wanted time to share a meal with some loved ones and pat Emily’s growing baby bump. I wanted to smell the smells of Mel and Maria’s cleaning efforts and eat a day old pastry from Panera. Instead, I spent hours at an airport and on 2 airplanes letting my mind run wild.
Why couldn’t the Lord just pick someone else for the hard task of reaching Rocky Mount? Didn’t He know I loved my life and that we were on the brink of taking nice vacations? Does He love us more because we chose the harder route?
I believe the Lord cut my visit to Dallas short because this “Egypt” is not too far in my rear view mirror. I haven’t yet embraced my new life enough to be able to visit and then leave my old life with a smile. He knows I still want it.
The Lord is getting me away from all that I love to introduce me to a sweeter walk with Him. I have not loved my first Love enough-I have just really loved His gifts.
Jesus, help me to let myself go. Swell my heart with love, but please dim the lights of my Egypt.