Given the opportunity, my mind will take me places that I don’t want to go.
For the past week, the enemy has been whispering lies to me and I have not allowed my mind to dwell on them. Instead of dwelling on them in the moment, I have simply filed them away to pull out on a day that I was too tired to ignore them. That day was today.
The kids were up early and I was out of cereal. Being out of cereal is never a good thing, but to make matters worse, I only had 2 Poptarts, and 2 packets of oatmeal. Needless to say, our day did not start well. By lunch, the older kids had smart mouthed me and informed me that being homeschooled was lame. The younger three were caught wrestling in the family room and they had all cried at some point. I was spent by 12:30.
The kicker for me was when Elli asked me why we had to live in Rocky Mount and Josiah chimed in with, “Yeah, why couldn’t we at least live closer to Mason?”. (Mason is a friend from Dallas and his family now lives in Cary, NC.) I paused for a moment and screamed, (Yes, I really screamed.) “We live here because this is where your daddy wants to live!”. I knew that wasn’t the whole truth, but I wanted the kids to believe that it was. I needed them to help validate the lie that I had pulled out of my file cabinet.
All week, the enemy had been whispering to me that we had made a mistake in moving to Rocky Mount. His lies came disguised as discontentment with the city that I had fallen in love with 2 weeks ago. They came as a thought that my kids were missing out on what a big church could offer them. Even an innocent visit with a close friend made me long for something that I once had. All of these lies stoked the fire that had been lit months ago. Today, the fire was in full blaze and I fanned it. A few small thoughts became doubt in Christ and that doubt eventually became a tool that Satan used to disarm me. My mind is a battlefield and I somedays I feel like I am losing the war.
After lunch, the kids went out to play, and I sat down on the porch swing and sifted through my thoughts to pick out the truth that was hidden underneath the ashes. The lies were still smoldering, but not flaming like earlier. I was reminded again that I am prone to wander. I am easily swayed by emotions and circumstances. I leave the Truth and follow the Liar, although I long to have strong roots that ground me to Christ.
How about you? To whom do you listen?