I got up this morning and shuffled to the bathroom (like I do every morning), but this morning I paused for longer than usual and really stared at myself. I don’t think that I looked any different than yesterday, but for some reason, today, I appeared really old. My face was swollen from sleep and to be honest, I looked really worn out. Not tired…worn out… like I had peaked a few years ago and somehow missed the big moment due to the needs of small children.
I will be 35 this October and until now, I have usually been one of the younger women in my peer group. I am graduating into a stage of life that I am uncomfortable entering. No longer am I the woman in the group asking all the questions and observing seasoned women be mothers and walk in their faith. I am becoming a seasoned woman and I’m not sure I like it.
I don’t feel prepared for this stage of life. I still have babies and potty training and poor Isaac still needs help in the bathroom sometimes. I struggle with anger, impatience, selfishness, a lack of desire to seek the Lord, and just plain disobedience. I don’t feel equipped to shepherd my small Life Transformation group. They are all so dang cute and young and I just feel old. How can I encourage and lead them when I still struggle to grasp forgiveness, grace, and JOY? How can I help a young mom when I fail my own children everyday? How do I navigate this move into another season of life? Do I have anything to offer?
No, not really. But my nothingness in the hands of the Lord can be useful…and beautiful. That is the beauty of grace. I decrease because I have nothing to offer and He increases to cover my deficit. He works and I watch. I can rest in the knowledge that He will complete what He has begun in me and those around me. He is simply inviting me to join Him. The yoke is easy and the burden is light.
This weekend, I invite you to stop striving and simply rest. Take delight in the promise that He will complete whatever He has begun in you.