I am prone to wander. I feel it every morning when I roll out of bed and meet the faces of my children. I feel it as I get out clothes for everyone to wear and fix tangled hair. I really feel it when I struggle through fractions and word problems and Audrey’s disdain for literature.
But I feel it most when I am hit with the reality that I would rather listen to Christian radio and read someone’s thoughts on spiritual things than actually open God’s Word and really pray like I mean it. I am drawn to books on Christian martyrs, missionaries, ordinary people living extraordinary lives in the name of Christ, but I am scared to death to pick up my Bible and welcome the Lord to woo me. I am afraid of intimacy and the change and conviction that comes with true relationship. I am afraid of what it will cost me if I let the Lord lavish me with grace and really demonstrate His love for me. Crazy, huh?
Since moving back to North Carolina, I am more aware of my need for Christ than ever before. What can I give when my well is more often shallow that full? How do I engage others when I am afraid of the questions they may ask? How do I encourage other wives to love their husbands when I don’t often show my own husband anything other than relief when he comes home from work? How do I live out the great love of Christ when I am not so certain that He finds me worthy to love? What does it look like to have a church in my home when all eyes are on me to point someone to Christ and I cannot pass that job off to someone more qualified?
My heart is prone to wander and long for things other than Christ. I have no idea why-He supplies all that my heart truly desires. I am praying (and praying like I mean it!) that I welcome Christ into my whole, messy life this Holy Week, and every week. I pray that my heart’s desire becomes Christ alone.
As Thad and his team prepare for Easter Sunday, please pray that Christ will be lifted high. Please pray that the Lord will soften hearts and draw others to Himself. We love you guys and thank you for joining us in this journey! We will post pictures next week! By the way, we are having fried chicken instead of hotdogs!